Eerie

Anyone who knows me knows I have a high threshold for the strange. I grew up (and am still) labeled as weird (weirdo), quirky, strange, foreigner, a riatard, crazy, etc. I still think I’m normal, most of the time… sort of (lol). Semantics. So when I find something eerie, it’s even eerier for me to find it eerie in the first place. Maybe I’m sensitive after all?

My dreams are nuts. I’ve already learned to accept this fact but the dreams I’ve been having lately, for the past couple of nights, have me waking up in a sweat crying panting and believing they were my reality. It literally takes several minutes to realize they were a dream. Holy mackerel. This puts me in a funk for the rest of the day because I vividly remember eerie details and feelings of the dream. My subconscious is seriously trying to sort through some shit. I realized last night that I’m still subconsciously going through the grieving process of a death (i.e. change) which is totally understandable and OK, however when shit starts affecting my eerie threshold there’s an issue.

I pride myself on being able to keep calm during a storm or when shit hits the fan. To be able to stay balanced and centered when gravity and the universe decides to be a comedian is my ultimate goal. Just like everything else in this world, good and bad, “this too shall pass”. I’m all into that logic and just need to repeat that mantra several thousand more times because the little what should be insignificant things are creeping me out.

I was ATTACKED by a HUGE roach last night. Now I know I live in a dirty city, an old 1800’s brownstone and this whole area is made of swamp land. I’m not trying to be all girly despite the fact that I was freaking out like one last night but this little evil fucker was circling my living room with a MISSION. I’ve had my share of experiences with huge roaches as my old house in Japan was infested with the colorful rainbow of insects (it was a lovely wooden home and clearly delicious to the critters). But this little evil fucker had a HEAD. Like a round pale skin color head that jutted out in contrast to its dark brown 3 inch body with eyes, a nose, and mouth (wtf?!). I know this because I saw another one up close in person in my bedroom a week ago trying to attack me in bed. I got that sucker. This living room fucker was probably out for revenge and after circling Shalimar and I tormenting us for an hour it started fucking FLYING. And it flew directly towards my face. The fucker and I had eye contact. This sounds ridiculous and I wish I were making it up, I just have never seen anything like it in the 3 years I’ve been here and anywhere else for that matter (could this be a new NYC breed?!) Although that roach does have me creeped out, I’m seriously connecting it and the experience to something worse. That I could possibly have pissed off the wrong person or being and there’s been some voodoo-ish intensions cast towards my way. Holy guacamole.

I mean there’s also my turned off computer that starts singing to me of closed YouTube WebPages. My cell phone is making random calls on its own without anything touching it. The doors open and close without any wind in a way they haven’t before. I’m misplacing things, knocking over shit and tripping over small stuff that I’ve never done before and am seriously not that clumsy. It was September 11th yesterday and this weather is not the most pleasant. Then there are the dreams. The dreams grip my spirit and shake me to the inner core. Eerie.

As much as I’m going through and under this spell right now, I’m so over it. I’ve lit some sage throughout the apt and all in all my innerstanding is bomb! “This too shall pass”.

RY